Get out of the boat...and keep walking!

Yesterday, the passage in Matthew 14 where Peter walks on the water to Jesus came to my attention twice.  Twice before 9:00 AM.  Usually when things like that happen, there's a reason.  It's not a coincidence. (Coincidences are rare, in not nonexistant, in my opinion.)

Anyway, if you're not familiar with that story, here you go.

 

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.  After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.  When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified.  "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage!  It is I.  Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Matthew 14:22-32 (NIV)

So, Jesus had just finished feeding 5,000 people.  Men, really, plus women and children.  So, he fed a lot of people out of those two fish and five loaves of bread.  The crowd wanted to make him king.  Not the plan, folks, and Jesus needs an exit. He sends the disciples on ahead in the boat, dismisses the crowd, and retreats to some time alone with God.  (More on that last part another day.)

Out in the boat, the disciples are sailing all night.  The winds start to pick up, and the waves start to pound the side of the boat.  I'm sure the disciples were thinking, "Why did Jesus send us on ahead without him?  What the heck is going on?"  Keep in mind, they had already witnessed Jesus calm winds and waves like these or worse in addition to all of the other miracles.

Then, they see a figure in the distance.  Walking.  On the water.  On the water.  Freaky!  Jesus assures them that it is indeed him.  Then Peter, in the midst of the storm and the bizarre event of Jesus walking on the water to them, asks for the Lord to call him out of the boat.

Let me pause here a minute.  There are some stormy waters in our life right now.  Not "capsize the boat" storms, but the waters are rough on number of different fronts, affecting us and those close to us.  Unfortunately, I can't go into a lot of details beyond that, but we all have storms in life.  Ones we have just passed through.  Ones where the wind and waves are battering the boat.  Ones looming on the horizon.  That's part of life.

There is a component of our faith that requires action.  It is not enough to say, "Lord, lead me."  You actually have to follow.  And sometimes, that means you have to put your foot out of the safety of the boat, into the waves, and stand up.  You can't walk on water while you're still in the boat.  And it was clear, crystal clear, to Peter what he needed to do.  Get out of the boat.

So, back to Peter.  Peter sticks his feet out of the boat, into the water, stands up, and starts walking to Jesus.  He is walking on the water.  On the water.  Wow.

Then it hits him.  He's walking on the water.  He's walking on the water.  In a storm.  He sees the waves.  Feels the gusts of the wind.  And he sinks.

Pause again.  I am soooo guilty of taking my eyes off Jesus in the midst of the storm.  It is so easy to try and see what I can do, how I can fix the problem.  Or even just letting my mind be consumed with the problem and its possible outcomes.  I take my eyes off the only thing that is truly able to keep me afloat in the storm, and I start to sink. 

You know the feeling.  Your mind starts racing.  So does your pulse.  Your heart and head pound.  Panic creeps in, and suddenly it's a little harder to breathe.  Kind of feels like you're sinking.  Because you are.

Back to Peter.  When Peter shifted his focus off of Jesus and onto his circumstances, his storm, he sank.  He cries out to Jesus to save him.  And even though Peter was sinking because he took his eyes of Christ, Jesus comes to his rescue, reaches out his hand, and they make the rest of the journey to the boat together.  They climb in the boat, and the winds stop.

Our only lifeline, the only way we stay afloat when following Christ in the storm is to keep our eyes locked on him.  Ignore the wind, the waves, the fact that to follow him it means stepping out of the boat in the middle of the lake.  None of that matters when you are focused on Christ.  He will provide the way through the storm, probably in a way that neither of us would've imagined.

So, if you have asked Jesus to tell you where to go, and he tells you to come, you have to get out of the boat.  Stand up on the waves, and go where he is calling you to go.  And while you're walking on the water, don't look down.

New Beginnings

I have been contemplating what to do with my blog lately.  I blog about our family antics elsewhere, and I don't know that I want to limit myself to blogging about one segment of my type-a life.  So, I'm considering blogging about the type-a way I approach life and the things that fill it... the "me" stuff. 

Right now, I'm working to decorate our home.  It's been well over six months since we moved in, and I haven't seen the point in hanging anything until we paint.  Hanging things up prior to painting just means more work to do to perfect my walls before painting, and while I might be type-a personality, I am not an advocate of unnecessary work.  So, needless to say, decorating has been slow. 

Add in to that my masters program, which I am uncharacteristically procrastinating on right now, and a toddler, and that equates to negative free time.

So, that all being said, I am going to try to share the projects and discoveries in my life that make this type-a person happy.  Like the new recipe I tried tonight for Slow Cooker Orange Chicken.  A recipe with great potential with a little better planning.  I overcooked it by turning the slow cooker on high to compensate for forgetting to thaw the chicken last night in all the excitement of going to the zoo today.  But, it definitely has potential, and I will try it again.  I might even take pictures, a la the exciting blogosphere trend. 

On to homework I go.  Boy, will I be glad when this whole education thing is done!

A Moment for Mary

They say that a child changes everything. They’re right. It does.


Now that I’m a mother, Christmas makes me reflect quite often about Mary. And, these reflections often leave me a little in awe of someone so willing to let God lead her life.

Mary was a young teenager, engaged to the man of her dreams, living pretty much the idyllic Jewish woman’s life. Then, she is miraculously visited by an angel who tells her that she has found favor with God and that she will become pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Whoa. Not exactly how you picture finding out about your first pregnancy. And not exactly how you picture the meaning of God finding favor with you. Mary was engaged, but not married. Pregnancy, especially one not by your future husband, really meant death by stoning. Favor, really God?

But, thankfully God blessed Mary with a husband who was … understanding, or at least sensitive to God’s leading. And he led Mary on the 97 mile trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem for the census. Whether walking, riding on a donkey, riding in a car or flying in a plane, traveling 97 miles when you’re grotesquely pregnant is not fun. And I’m pretty sure a stable, hay, manger, and on-looking animals were not in Mary’s birth plan.

But God is in the business of taking the stuff that would never make sense to us and weaving into a beautiful part of His story for us. And in return for her step of faith, she held the Son of God in her arms.

Maybe I need to let God lead a little more.

Pearls in Progress

As I am wrapping a beautiful pair of earrings for one of this year's Christmas gifts, I am reminded of the Christmas short story I read yesterday in the car where a father, who has been absent from his home for some time, returns to his home and his children on Christmas Eve.  The children believe he is Kris Kringle, a bittersweet moment for the father.  He presents both children with gifts, including a stunning strand of pearls to his daughter.  The father explains that pearls form from something irritating that enters an oyster's shell, which is eventually made into a pearl.

The pearl is another reminder of how God takes things that are irritating and makes them into something far more beautiful than could ever be imagined.

I often ask God to remove the irritating things in my life, the things that don't go according to my plan or make me uncomfortable.  Perhaps instead, I should accept them with the knowledge that, in time, He will use that irritant to create a thing of beauty in my life.  How many pearls do I lack because I asked Him to remove the irritating things or that I simply avoided all together?

I'm sure the oyster doesn't enjoy the pearl-making process, as I'm sure none of us enjoy the things in life that drive us crazy.  And, I'm sure the oyster probably doesn't think the whole pearl-making process, which for it is the process of protecting itself from the irritant with coats of nacre, is quite fast enough.  It takes layer after thin layer of nacre to make a pearl.  It is the same for us.  Little by little, bit by bit, God changes the irritant into a pearl that shows His divine plan, His ability to take the irritating, the annoying, the painful, the unwanted parts of life and make them into something unique and beautiful.

The Fight

I don’t know why my daughter chose today to pick a fight with me over naptime. But, today it was. I could feel my anger rising, and I had to strongly resist the urge to just plop her in her crib, shut the door, and hide down in the basement. It took almost three hours to finally get her to nap, lots of shows on the DVR, and a phone call for Mommy to vent to Daddy about what a little stinker his daughter was. Oh, and a lot of prayer. And now, my daughter is sleeping peacefully, standing up in her crib, resting her head on the front rail, and holding her stuffed teddy bear.


As I was rocking her for the fourth time in this attempt at naptime, praying to God to give me the patience and the grace to make it today, I felt a little nagging feeling that God does, in fact, know exactly how I feel. How I have fought Him and fought Him on something He knows is in my best interest, something that I really need. I think I know better, that I don’t need the nap. And in that situation, I am always wrong. Sometimes it just takes me a while to figure it out, and all the while, God was still holding me, pleading with me to finally give in and let Him be the parent.

So, I don’t know why my daughter wanted to fight her nap today, but I know that God wanted to share a little insight into His role as my Father and His patience with me. So, today I was humbled and thankful for a Father who cares so much for me, and who gives me what I need to be a better mother.

Trying to quantify

I received an email from my husband today that made me smile. You see, now that I stay at home with our daughter, sometimes I find it difficult to define my role, or even to figure out how much value to place on it once I've defined it. It seems as though I've needed a business card to define my role and a paycheck to define it's value.

Many people have attempted to place a monetary value on a wife and mother. They calculate the nanny cost, the maid expense, laundry service, the cook, the chauffeur, the bookkeeper. What they fail to quantify, or even take into account, is the contribution of self. The element of you that you bring to the table that no one else can replace. I have often failed to recognize how much my presence means to my family.

I am learning more and more about my role as a wife and mother, and how significant that role is in my home. The decision to stay home wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, but for us, it was definitely the right decision. It has allowed me to focus on creating a nurturing, calm environment for our family. I really liked my job before having our daughter, and I'd like to think I was pretty good at it, but the further we get down this road of parenthood, the more I know that I'm not good enough at multitasking to be able to do it all - the job, the kid, the husband, the home.

Now, I know my choice isn't for everyone. Some of my closest friends are working moms, and I struggled with the decision myself. I firmly believe that you have to make the decision that is right for you and your family, so no judgment here! But whether you work outside the home or not (mother or not), never underestimate the power of your presence. You, who you are, matters so much to the other members of your family. Your position as matriarch of your home is significant. You make it a home.

The email I received today wasn't mushy or really intended to be romantic. It just contained a comment in passing that served as a reminder of the value I bring to my life. The things God calls us to do and to be are never insignificant. I just needed that reminder today. Maybe you do, too.

In Search of a Signature

So, now that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I've had to make some adjustments. My wardrobe has changed. My schedule has changed. I've had to become more flexible (which, I probably should have done when I was still working, but whatever). The crap I deal with on a day-to-day basis is literally crap. And, I have no email signature.

I'm not sure why that last one bothers me. It's not like I'm sending a lot of important emails. But, each time I send an email, it looks . . . well, naked. It just seems like there's something missing at the bottom. I've toyed with different titles and things to put in an email signature, but nothing seems quite right. I've seen quotes, but I'm not loving that idea. I think what I need is a title to add to my email.

Here are some ideas:

Domestic Goddess (This is the title I like to use when describing stay-at-home-momhood. Not sure how well it would be received by the general recipients of my emails, though).

COO, Conley Household


And with that, I'm currently out of ideas. It may be that I'll just have to adjust to my lack of a signature. One of many other adjustments in my life.